M.U.F.O.N. is F.U.B.A.R.

I have been watching a series on the History Channel about UFO's and aliens. First, let me state not only my belief, but the reality of this subject. There are not now nor has there ever been an extra terrestrial visitation. I believe in UFO's only in the most literal definition, ie; many people have seen objects flying that they are unable to identify. Most UFO sightings are grounded in a combination of fear, ignorance and stupidity of the observers. On those occasions where there are credible witnesses, this is clearly a sighting of an experimental or highly classified aircraft produced by our own or a foreign government. That being said, let's get to the meat of this article. As I sit and watch these investigators (also known as knuckleheads) get all excited as they are presented with various tales and alleged physical evidence, I have to ask myself "Has any one of these losers ever been laid?" God love 'em. They try so hard to engage the awe and enthusiasm of the viewer. Unfortunately for them, any viewer with at least a 5th grade education will recognize these "Alien vessels" as Stealth bombers, formations of distant helicopters, Goodyear blimps, etc.
From the late 1950's through the 1970's UFO's were often described as triangular shaped. Oddly enough this is the same period that the U.S. government experimented with the "Flying Wing" design that eventually led to the development of the stealth bomber. If anyone remembers, the stealth bomber was unveiled to the public because so many people were reporting sightings of triangular UFO's and the Air force figured "Why hide it when our enemies can't stop it anyway?" I just finished watching a show about an alleged UFO crash in Aurora, TX. in 1897. Supposedly a large cigar shaped object came flying out of the sky. Trailing smoke, it hit a windmill and exploded in a fireball. A newspaper article reported the locals found a debris field and a badly charred body that was "Not of this earth". They gave the "alien" a Christian burial and the debris was dumped down a nearby well. Jump ahead 75 years or so. M.U.F.O.N. investigators are on the job. They show up in this very small, conservative Texas town and begin interrogating the locals and poking around the old cemetery. To the surprise of no one but the fools from M.U.F.O.N. the local authorities will not give them permission to dig up consecrated ground. Nor will the property owners allow them access to the well. After making much noise and attracting all manner of attention the locals made it clear they were no longer welcome. By the time they regrouped and returned, the grave marker had been removed and a large diameter PVC pipe hammered into the ground to remove a suspected metallic alien artifact buried with the carcass. Also, the well was now surrounded by a high, heavy chain-link fence. Clearly if you are a delusional M.U.F.O.N. member this means the government is trying to cover up the existence of alien life forms. If you have a brain, this is what you see: At the end of the 19th century the U.S. government (probably with the assistance of various millionaire industrialists of the time) were trying to develop new aircraft. Using the newest metal (aluminum) which was so difficult to mine and smelt it could only be afforded by a government. So what you had crashing in Aurora, TX. was....wait for it....a Blimp!! Cigar shaped. Fiery explosion. Anyone remember the Hindenberg? That's right. No aliens. No extraterrestrial spacecraft. This was exactly the time that many entrepreneurs as well as our government were experimenting with blimp design. The alien body? If I were experimenting with lighter than air flight my test pilot would be of a small stature like a jockey. Take a smallish man, burn him to a crisp. the body shrinks and contorts. smaller bones such as fingers may fuse together. all in all presenting a rather "alien" looking carcass. Knowing how pointless and redundant most of our government bureaucrats are, I'm sure they would actually try to recover any evidence so the public wouldn't know about the secret blimp experiments they carried out a hundred years ago. Also it was during this time that H. G. Wells and Jules Vern were publishing stories about Martians and Moon men.
Now the one thing M.U.F.O.N. should have learned over all these decades is if you want to collect evidence that others don’t want you to have, you must be stealthy. In the Aurora, TX. case they should have quietly researched the old newspaper articles and the Deed of the property where the well was located. Once they had all the information they could have purchased the property in question and dug up the well at their leisure or if they lacked they funds they could have scraped up enough money to pay the owners for the right to dig. As far as the buried body and metal artifact. Simply wait for a very dark, cloudy, moonless night and sneak into the cemetery, dig up what you need and skidaddle. Who’s going to sue you, the next-of-kin? They’d have a long way to travel. You then take all your findings and have them scientifically analyzed thus confirming once and for all the terrestrial origin of the artifacts and unveiling a completely pointless and redundant military secret from the 19th century. In conclusion old episodes of Star Trek are more believable than the tripe M.U.F.O.N. investigates. The History channel needs to get back to actual history and leave alien fables and prognostications of Armageddon to the Sci-Fi channel.